Tag:dook's buzz!
Posted on: August 18, 2008 11:45 am
Edited on: August 18, 2008 12:06 pm

Alpha Blog: Nationals make me laugh

I've sat by idly watching the Nationals create their "foundation." I've watched vice president Stan Kasten create his plan and I've watched Fans may also turn their back on this dismal franchise. general manager Jim Bowden and manager Manny Acta execute it.

Sometimes it takes a small move to trigger a loud response.

Bowden sent capable reliever, and the last remaining Montreal holdover, Luis Ayala to the Mets for 25-year-old utility infielder Anderson Hernandez Sunday. It's one thing to trade Ayala. It's another to give him away to a division rival.

This, after sending outfielder Ryan Church and catcher Brian Schneider to Mets in the offseason for Lastings Milledge.

I understand moving veterans for youth, but there are 28 other teams out there. Do we have to make our rivals better?

But that's not as laughable as Paul Lo Duca, arguably the worst offseason signing not named Andruw Jones, who was recently released and picked up by division foe, Florida. With Florida in the market for a serviceable catcher since April, why Bowden couldn't have parlayed Lo Duca for a prospect (or as Bowden likes to think of them -- slap-hitting middle infielders with little upside) is depressing.

Johnny EstradaBut not as laughable as signing Johnny Estrada to a contract when you have budding star Jesus Flores in the system and serviceable Will Nieves. After all, it was Jason Kendall who unseated Estrada in Milwaukee. Here's how that offseason conversation between Jimbo and Johnny "I'm spent" Estrada went:

Jim: Johnny, you staying in shape? We're looking for a veteran catcher to work with our young staff.
Johnny: I dunno, Jimbo. I'm not really feeling the game of baseball anymore, I mean geez, they brought in Jason Kendall in Milwaukee to replace me. Ya know how depressing that makes a human being, when Jason Kendall is seen as an upgrade over you? It's like replacing Rodney Dangerfield with Jackie Mason in Caddyshack II.
Jim: I loved Caddyshack II! It had that black bailiff from Night Court. What a great show, Night Court. Bull, he sure was tall. Just like Rauchy. Come on into spring training, we'll see what we can do with ya.
Johnny: OK, bud, if you say so.

But not as laughable as signing an overweight defensive liability who doesn't take his diabetes seriously to a multi-year contract that makes him untradeable. (see: Young, Dmitri)

But not as laughable as signing fragile Nick Johnson, a light-hitting first baseman to a multi-year contract, effectively inhibiting any prospects from manning the corner. Sorry, Larry Broadway or Chris Marrero.

But not as laughable as trading the best reliever on the market for one of those hard-to-find slap-hitting middle infielders. But hey, he sure is quick. So is Joey Gathright. So is Michael Bourn. Keep them and their miniscule OBP off my team.

But not as laughable as failing to sign draft pick Aaron Crow over a $500,000 dispute. Crow, deemed major-league ready, was always expected to be a tough sign. But when the gap came to within six-digits, the team should have ponied up to sign the kid. Why sign unproven talent to major-league dollars? Let's say they end up paying Crow $4 million per (what he wanted, the Nats came in at $3.5). What pitcher on the free-agent market are you going to find for $4 million per? That's fourth- or fifth-starter money and Crow is projected as a top-of-the-rotation pitcher. Yes, paying kids that sort of moolah isn't ideal, but the club drafted him knowing he'd be potentially great, and tough at the table.

But not as laughable as the Lerner family withholding $3.5 million in rent (as of July 11) to the city of Washington for receiving an incomplete stadium. Not just that, the Lerners are "demanding damages of $100,000 a day, dating from March 1," according to the Washington Post. Just to refresh, the city paid for this stadium using tax dollars. The team is playing in the stadium and the Lerners are collecting revenue. The Pope conducted mass in the stadium. The Presidents Race occurs during every home game. But it's incomplete to the point where not just rent is being withheld, but damages are being sought. I've attended three games and the only thing incomplete I've noticed is the on-the-field product. It takes a budding villain to make the public stick up for the city of Washington. Congrats Teddy.

But back to the seemingly small things. Here's what really set things off, laughably speaking, in this blogger's dome. The Nationals are Ted Lernerlast in the league in giveaways. Dead last at 35 per 81 home games, according to the Sports Business Journal. The Marlins, a team like the Nats which entered the season with little hope to compete, lead the league with 141 giveaways. Couple this with the fact that season ticket holders had to actually show up to these atrocious games (but only specific ones) to receive their complimentary yearbook and replica stadium is well, laughable. I received mine Friday night and as the guy who handed it to me said upon seeing my disappointment in the craftsmanship, "I hear some people are using them as ashtrays."

Having a plan that requires patience is one thing, using it as an excuse to be miserly is another. One season doesn't make a rich data pool, but if Year 1 of Ler-Kas-Bow is a sign of things to come, it's safe to say this team is destined to complete the trilogy of Washington teams leaving the area.

But I offer a solution, and it's so simple I demand it: An apology not just to season-ticket holders like myself, but to all Nats fans.

Dear Nationals fans,

We're trying here in D.C., but we've been out of the baseball game for a while, which explains why we don't know how to treat fans at the ballpark, why we don't know how to do the whole TV thing well (the Nats are dead last in TV ratings), and why we don't know how to do the whole personnel thing well. But we'll get better, starting with the removal of Jim Bowden from the general manager post. We'll bring in a smart baseball guy who has a fine-tuned balance between objectively analyzing players and pulling the trigger on a brash big-ticket signee when it fits the plan. We'll provide incentives to attend the ballpark, which Washington was nice enough to build (despite its many flaws), like free caps and balls (but no cowbells). In short, we'll do things better. But stay faithful, please. We've waited a long time to have baseball back in D.C., let's not rush this job. Let's set up a foundation that will ensure the District has the best baseball franchise in MLB. If we don't fulfill our obligations above, we promise to sell the team to Ted Leonsis and never entertain any offers from Dan Snyder, no matter how much money or Lions for Lambs paraphernalia he throws our way.


Ted Lerner

On to the best blogs ... around    

Michael Phelps wins eight golds in swimming, but it's the way NBC treated that last medal ceremony that has dook's buzz! ready to go off the deep end.

As NBA-ers like Jannero Pargo keep jumping the pond, Mind of The Big B wonders: Could Europe improve Ben Gordon?

If Sports 'n Stuff writes a blog and nobody reads it, is it a blog? Doesn't matter, the blogger has the right attitude toward The Game.

If you want to know about one blogger's path to becoming a 49ers faithful, read this by THRASHARD'S THOUGHTS.

Klick of the Day    

Welcome back Voltron

Posted on: April 13, 2008 12:32 pm
Edited on: April 13, 2008 3:45 pm

Alpha Blog: Enough Mohawks, it's neck beard time

If one video of a guy getting his head styled in Mohawk fashion is indicative of who that person is, and one video always is, Mike Green needs to work on his Hollywood.

The MohawkHe also needs to tell his stylist that his Mohawk isn't that intimidating.

As someone more prone to wild sways in facial hair than head hair, I'm no expert, but I'd imagine the trick to a good Mohawk is shaving the sides down with more than a No. 2. They must be bic'd.

Nonetheless, Capitals defenseman Mike Green is sporting the Mohawk for what he calls the "tradition" factor (he did it in the AHL playoffs a few years back).

But hockey players wear a helmet. Just like football players. And baseball players. So what the heck is up with the Mohawk nobody ever sees? The Flames are all sporting them this playoffs. Chad Johnson had one. David Beckham. Mr. T had one 30 Photo by: www.shelbynelson.netyears ago. Magua. The list goes on and on.

Which leads us to say, enough Mohawk. We need something new for our athletes. And as an authority on facial hair, I think I have the answer -- despite pleas after last week's South Park for the Mr. Escalante comb over.

It's the neck beard. Clean face, normal hair, [sunglasses], full-fledged beard on the neck. This website explains it nicely.

After all, in all sports you always see the neck. Well, except fencing. And if I'm an opposing player and all I see is scruffy darkness protruding from underneath a helmet, I'm thinking the guy is a little off kilter.

In reality though, it's a matter of facial safety. The neck is the most sensitive part of the shaving experience. So why not keep it protected with follicle fluffiness?

I say good day to the Mohawk and hello, neck beard. And if you're a real man, you let the neck beard grow all the way around your head. Let those back of the neck hairs flourish and get total neck coverage. Sure, you may look like you're always wearing a turtleneck, or a dog with one of those lampshades on its head, but you'll be the biggest freak on the ice/field. And isn't that what this is about?

On to the best four blogs ... around      

They're sort of smiling around Camden these days. What do Danny Granger, Michael Finley, LaMarcus Aldridge, Rajon Rando and Beno Udrih have in common? EY's blog has the answer.

Bob Dylan wrote a song about a Hurricane. The Scorpions wrote a song about Hurricanes. And now the Bong Zone writes a blog about the best-ever college football team and guess which one it is. It rhymes with Murricanes

The Angels aren't hitting in a timely manner, which leaves Halo Heaven feeling a little Angel angst. But the blog reminds us pitching wins, and California Angels should have that when it's all said and done.

On the other Coast, and other side of the standings are the Orioles. And that makes dook's buzz! really, really, really happy.

Klick of the Day      

What's in an athlete's entourage (Team Dime. Team Melo. Team America [Bode Miller])? The Wall Street Journal's Hannah Karp explains. And did you know Ron Artest knows how to use Quicken? Great, one more thing -- playing basketball, producing records, starting brawls, and now doing his taxes -- that he's better than me at.

My porn 'stacheEric Kay in ... 'The Longest Kay.'


I'm the George Washington of facial hair, I can not tell a lie. So while you may remember Buzz Fagan's legendary 'stache for losing the March Mustachness wager, here is the sympathy 'stache I carved out to console him last Friday.

Yes, that is a Schlitz trucker cap I'm wearing and yes, there is some 'stache run-off on the right side there (if you're looking at me). But shaving a beard that was six weeks deep isn't an easy task, nor is carving out the 'stache. So I plead with you, have sympathy for those with great mustaches, because with great 'stache comes great responsibility -- and a steady razor hand.

Posted on: March 24, 2008 11:32 am
Edited on: March 24, 2008 12:14 pm

Alpha Blog: I can beat up 21 5-year-olds

There are plenty of questions that keep me up night.

Why are Wendy's spicy chicken sandwiches so good?

Somebody stop that 5-year-old from choking that man! How excited will I be Sunday night when I attend the opener of Nationals Park?

Why do people like mayo?

And most importantly: How many 5-year-olds could I beat up?

I know what you're thinking.

"Eric, you could probably take 10, maybe a baker's dozen."

I say good day to that notion.

My "moral compass" is way more flexbile than you think.

I'm good for a solid 21 of those little buggers -- and if it weren't for my, uh, lack of reach, I'd probably be able to bulldoze my way through 25 or more.

So in the spirit of continuing to crush office productivity while March Madness takes a breather, check out this site: http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscould

On to the best four blogs ... around!  

There are 162 games in a season. And It's Gonna Happen in 2008 has 162 predictions for the season. I chalk that up to coincidence. I also chalk up calling Dan Haren a bust to being a delusional Cubs fan. However, I do like Ryan Zimmerman's Gold Glove chances.

Upset with CBS' coverage of yesterday's exciting finishes? dook's buzz! is, and I have two suggestions: Fire up the MMOD on a laptop in order to keep the game on no matter what the suits in NYC switch your TV to and/or take Greg Gumbel off your Christmas card list.

I think we can all relate to Tiger Talking at one point. The blog is pissed to high Hades at the Cardinals, who have driven the blogger to such tender remarks as: "Chris Duncan makes me want to walk on the field and slap him so hard his eye bleeds." I feel that way about my Redskins, who seemingly every year operate in a style contrary to all established paths to success.

Our favorite NBA blogger, The Blog to End All Blogs goes off on the NBA age limit. While good natured and provoking, g8trfan_1 pretty much takes down the argument with one main talking point: while they can't outright discriminate, private corporations can set many hiring standards -- such as a reasonable age limit.

Posted on: March 20, 2008 10:49 am
Edited on: March 20, 2008 2:12 pm

Alpha Blog: Bill James helps you navigate MMOD

Bill James is a smart man. Correction. Bill James is a very smart man.

Bruce Pearl is have a little trouble figuring out just when the Vols are done.The mastermind between Baseball Abstract, the 1980s sabermetric guide to baseball and the foundation for Fantasy baseball and Moneyball philosophies has conquered the most important question in college basketball: When is a game over, but not officially over?

You know, like when American University is kicking the snot out of Tennessee Friday with 5 minutes to go. The Eagles are up 10, but is the game over? Of course not. What about if they're up by 10 and have the ball with 2 minutes to go? No. What if they're up by 10 with 45 seconds to go and have the ball? Bingo!

Here's why (the James formula):

-- Take the number of points one team is ahead.
-- Subtract three.
-- Add a half-point if the team that is ahead has the ball, and subtract a half-point if the other team has the ball. (Numbers less than zero become zero.)
Square that.
-- If the result is greater than the number of seconds left in the game, the lead is safe.

So the Eagles' number comes out to 56.25, which is more than the remaining 45 seconds. The lead is safe and the Eagles will always win. Always. Don't trust me, trust Bill James' words from Slate.com:

"Once a lead is safe, it's permanently safe, even if the score tightens up. You're down 17 with three to play; you can make a little run, maybe cut it to 8 with 1:41 to play. The lead, if it was once safe, remains safe. The theory of a safe lead is that to overcome it requires a series of events so improbable as to be essentially impossible. If the 'dead' team pulls back over the safety line, that just means that they got some part of the impossible sequence—not that they have a meaningful chance to run the whole thing."

Just some semi-useful information courtesy of the sports wizard to help you when you're navigating MMOD.

On to the best blogs ... around!      

If you can pull yourself away from the MMOD, give Dantheman4250's College Basketball Blog a shout. He'll be your answer man throughout the first day of the tourney.

While 'explosive diahreahea' is an excuse few bosses can counter, according to dook's buzz!,  I'm a big fan of gigantic eyeball or duodenum discharge for choops 'excuses.

I'm sad to report I watched American Idol last night (cough: and the night before). I wasn't controlling the remote, swear. Anyway, that guy Chikezie is getting a raw deal. He's solid. I feel dirty. Oh, why am I talking about this? josh's blog wrote about the show in his blog.

Shulaces has outdone himself once again with his Photo Caption Contest. Somebody out there can give him a good No. 4 caption. 

Kay's Korner Klick of the Day  

And our Klick of the Day goes to Third and Goal for an in-depth look at good-bad movies. Suprisingly, no Best of the Best or Kay's Korner favorite, Side Out.

Posted on: February 20, 2008 5:53 pm
Edited on: February 20, 2008 6:36 pm

Blog Day Afternoon: I'm never leaving again

I leave the boards for six days for some weekend escapades across the pond in Dublin and ...

The cuz and I doing the Bar Room Banter pose at St. Stephen's Green in downtown Dublin. NaterB's Junk Drawer steals my afternoon thunder and credits my midday mate Shulaces for it. It's so smooth when it hits your ...

***Shulaces has the blog idea of the millennium with his Photo caption contest. ***

And dook's buzz! has started the worst avatar campaign since the quickly aborted This Vijay contest featuring scantily clad Vijay Singhs.

(as for you, dook's buzz! ... while Brady was Senor Beefcake in mid-'90s Baltimore, he's no Joe Orsulak).

I can only imagine what will happen when I'm gone next week in Taiwan.

Somebody will probably kick my dog.

On to the best afternoon blogs ... around! 

Who should be college basketball's coach of the year? Bruce Pearl? Rick Barnes? Coach K? Matt Painter? Pete Bell? Parrish: The Thoughts puts together a list of 15 names worthy of the honor

Something tells me And now, it's baseball time has no qualms with Def Leopard's "Pour some suga on me".

Should the hammer fall on Kelvin Sampson? Opinions of a Mad Man says it's time to give this samurai a worthy exit.

Here's a blog about perspective, taking a deep breath and keeping balance. Girls Know Sports? is our resident Dr. Phil as she goes off on tunnel vision. Mmmm, funnel cake vision.

Sometimes a blogger just wants to post a recipe. Ups and Downs of these message boards just wants us all to get along ... I hope we do, for the sake of the blogger's forthcoming Green Chile recipe. (Marge, get me my chili boots!)

It's a little passe, but Sports and such asks the question: Should the Gasol trade be vetoed? Only if it's a pocket veto, yep, pocket veto, says I.

A Braves' beat writer has a crush on Yunel Escobar. Ian Kinsler's a lot like Jeff Kent and Placido Polanco could help your Fantasy team. The Wonderful World of Gonos has your baseball news of the day.

***indicates blog du jour

Posted on: February 10, 2008 8:01 pm
Edited on: February 11, 2008 12:30 pm

Blog Day Afternoon: Is my team really bad?

Maybe you've noticed. I'm in the AL BIGS draft right now and it's going painfully slow, which means, it's a good time for you to give me a little insight on how my team is shaping up. Yes, I know talking about another person's Fantasy team is like talking about a vacation you weren't on.

But maybe by talking this one out, it won't just help me, it will also help you.

It's AL-only and I'm quickly learning how shallow the talent pool is in the American League. You can count all the quality shortstops and second basemen on one Count Tyrone Rugen hand, true Fantasy aces are as common as good blogs and closers are so rare, I'm thinking about drafting Ricky Roma (I suck).  

I went with a strategy of filling in shallow positions like shortstop and catcher early on and tried to ensure I sprinkled in sure things (Ichiro, Dye, Bedard) with risks (Santana, Cabrera) and 27-year-olds (Garko, Blalock).

My team may not be sexy, but sexy picks are for Fantasy writers on their 57th draft this winter looking for big oohs and ahs from other Fantasy writers.

C: Victor Martinez Round 2 (#13)
1B: Ryan Garko Round 8 (#73)
2B: Coming soon
SS: Derek Jeter Round 1 (#8)
3B: Hank Blalock Round 7 (#68)
OF: Ichiro Suzuki Round 4 (#33)
OF Jermaine Dye Round 9 (#88)
OF: Jack Cust Round 12 (#113)
DH: Jason Kubel Round 13 (#128)
SP: Erik Bedard Round 3 (#28)
SP: Jered Weaver Round 5 (#48)
SP: Ervin Santana  Round 10 (#93)
SP: Shaun Marcum Round 11 (#108)
SP: Daniel Cabrera Round 14 (#133)
RP: Huston Street Round 6 (#53)
RP: Rafael Betancourt Round 15 (#148)
Bench 1: Ben Broussard Round 16 (#153)

Eight bench spots still to be filled

Hey, I know you guys

You may have noticed over the weekend, but the rest of our writers joined the blogging fray.

From Parrish to Doyel to Mejia et al, they'll be mingling and blogging amongst us. If we're lucky, we may even get some news and insight from them (rimshot!).

At least his name is catchy  

I think the best thing about the Redskins hiring of Jim Zorn is the fact his last name rhymes with porn and corn and horn and torn and worn and sworn and bjorn.

On to the best blogs ... around! (weekend roundup)   

 You know who the stealth winner of the Marion-Shaq trade was? Dorrell Wright, according to Mejia's Reflections. Yep, that's the sort of insight writers can bring to blogs. Yep, Dorrell Wright.

So many wonderful choices, but just who will be the Orioles' opening day starter? Whats left for the Orioles to do? has a prediction -- and it's not Rick Sutcliffe.

If you forgot who won the Tigers trade with the Marlins for Miggy and Dontrelle, or just like trade analysis (I mean, really, who doesn't?), read Cant wait for baseball season.

(Insert Name Here) shares some of his best Sportsline (cough: CBSSports.com) mottos. Included is the classic "don't poop with your pants on." We should all be so wise.

LSU will open the season with Appalachian State. dook's buzz! is mad as hell her Mountaineers are still overlooked and she isn't going to take it anymore. Well, not really, she just wants some Bayou respect.

Wes Goldstein, master of all things hockey, has a blog. It's usually about hockey. This one is about Wade Redden. He's a defenseman for the Senators and doesn't want to be traded. He'll fill in the rest in Backhand shots.

This isn't a blog, it's really just a sentence or four. The return of the Dolphins Dynasty! wants Chad Johnson to come to Miami. That's really all the blog has to offer. But it has me thinking ... yes, it's a good fit since the Tuna always has pain-in-the-arse receivers on his teams (Terry Glenn, Keyshawn, T.O.). He's like the chick who can't stop dating a-holes despite knowing how bad they are for one's mental health.

Not to be left out of the killing-of-animals trend, Jared Allen is now a swine swashbuckler. Doyel's Dribbles isn't impressed

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com