Tag:the Bong Zone
Posted on: May 15, 2008 12:39 pm

Alpha Blog: Happy belated birthday Bea Arthur

I imagine this happens to most people. You're surfing the web, maybe flipping through the TV, and you realize somebody you thought Bea Arthurwasn't alive, is, well, very much so alive.

  • Gary Gaetti? Still alive.
  • Karl Malden? Still alive at 96.
  • Maude Flanders? Still dead.
  • John "hotplate" Williams? Still alive.

That's yesterday's bounty.

Today, I realized not only is this special person alive. She just celebrated her birthday Tuesday. Now checking in at a spritely 86, Bea Arthur is still around and the Korner is wishing her a belated happy birthday.

Who's Bea Arthur you ask? Get out. Click something else, now. Seriously.

Or click this tribute to her, courtesy of VH1. It's priceless, just like my blackmarket Premarin full of delicious horse urine.

Alpha Blog II

Last night I did something a bit unusual. I watched the fourth quarter of the West Coast playoff game last night. That's usually A. past my school night bedtime or B. low on my list of enjoyable activities.

But I watched it. And I was surprised with what I saw.

KobeKobe Bryant passed up shot opportunity after shot opportunity in the quarter he's supposed to single handily takeover. This was a close game, mind you. Drive after drive, he would go to the basket and dish out to Derek Fisher, Sasha Vujacic or Vlad Radmanovic. It was bizarre to watch.

I guess he wanted to send a message to our Mike Freeman.

While this will go down as memorable Kobe, notably for his ability to go completely out of character on such a stage and still win, it begs the question: how were the Jazz not able to capitalize?

You have the best player in the game, this season, not doing what he's paid lots of money to do, score. And the Jazz still can't pull out the road win?

Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. You let your team do exactly what the Lakers were doing those last 5 minutes of the game. Drive to the basket, kick it out, clank. Drive to the basket, kick it out, clank. Over and over and over. That's the best offense you can run during one of the strangest non-scoring streaks of the game's most prolific scorer's career?


Where was Carlos Boozer down low? Ditto Mehmet Okur? And this is the fourth-best team in the NBA's Western Conference? I'm just saying.

On to the best blogs ... around!  

The Bong Zone picks the best running back of all-time. The player's name does rhyme with schmarschall talk, though.

We're a third of the way through the racing season and MWR UPDATES breaks down the disappointments, so-sos and surprises.

If you don't know how Paul Janish is, you will by the end of Florida Marlins' game notes about the Marlins' win over the Reds last night.

Spygate (I'm so tired of every controversy/scandal ending with the suffix -gate) may be over, but My never ending Story...... still wants to throw the book at the Patriots.

Klick of the Day  

I'm pretty sure Adam Jones doesn't actually bring stick to drum in this wonderful rendition of Orioles Magic. (TOH: Buzz Fagan)

Posted on: May 14, 2008 11:48 am
Edited on: May 14, 2008 12:04 pm

Alpha Blog: My 0-10 H.S. team on our site? Great

Per my semi-usual routine, I was surfing our website in my office (offices can have seats the flush), and I noticed that the website done gone up and changed on me.

I clicked on a story and bam, it has team page features right there on the top. Cute. I moved on to college football (I don't know why) and I noticed the words "high school."Bullis, what a program.

High school? Me thinks to click on that.

And bam, before I know it I'm looking up my high school football team on some site called MaxPreps, which we acquired for roughly the price of one Ted Lilly. CBS 1, Cubs 0.

However, looking at my old alma mater on MaxPreps.com may incite me to throw a few Lilly-ian haymakers. That was lame.

But not as lame as Bullis High School, which was 0-10 last season. No wonder I hadn't heard much from that pesky alumni association. However, I got to see video of my 0-10 school vs. another school (it's more of a blooper reel if you're so inclined) and look up stats three-years deep.

I was impressed. High school football, on our site. There's even a guy named Dave Krider on there and you know what he calls his section of the website? Krider's Corner. He spells better then, er, than, I.

So the point of this is something along the lines of: people here who dress nicer than I do, think high school sports can be monetized. And that raises a few questions, some of which may include: Should it be? Can we do it better than local newspapers/websites? Do people outside of Texas, California, Florida and Ohio really care about what their high school sports teams are up to?

The skeptic in me thinks, great, more incentive for high schoolers to use PEDs, cheat, and get an inflated sense of self. The sports fan in me says, this is sweet, now I can keep up with my high school, which is nice, because it's important to have pride in the teams you played on and followed. The editor in me does wonder, though, how can we beat the local guys at their own game? I'm guessing we can't at first, but the longer we stay in this game, and the more resources we throw behind MaxPreps the better we'll probably get.

What do you think? Is MaxPreps’ presence on our chunk of web real estate a good, bad or I-don’t-really-care thing? Personally, I like it, if only because MaxPreps makees me think of Max Power, which of course, is the "name you'd love to touch, but you musn't touch!"

On to the best blogs ... around!

If the tragic ending to Eight Belles didn't sit well with you, neither will the The Bong Zone's latest and greatest off of HBO's latest and greatest sports reporting.

Spring football is in the books and Dantheman4250's Sports Blog has booked Ohio State and Georgia as his top two teams in his latest college football rankings.

What do harems, scones and the Steelers' draft have in common? Dreams, In Love with the Game, Mom's View says, dreams.

The Hornets' run through the playoffs is just the icing on To Blog, or not to Blog?'s New Orleans post-Katrina cake.

Klick of the Day

Ever wonder what it would be like to see Mac fight Don Flamingo live?

Posted on: April 30, 2008 11:55 am
Edited on: April 30, 2008 12:05 pm

Alpha Blog: Ronaldo's one-night misunderstanding

Cocaine, cross-dressing prostitutes, extortion. Just a wild night in the Barra de Tijuca neighborhood of Sao Paulo for soccer star/Simpsons guest star Ronaldo.

Ronaldo apparently picked up some prostitutes (it's legal in Brazil), took them to a hotel and at some point during the night realized that he Ronaldo's gal-boy is all over the papers. entered into a Dave Stewart-Eddie Murphy-Mac-from-It's-Always-Sunny-in-Philadelphia pre-op tranny uh-oh situation.

One problem. These trannies weren't just regular prostitute trannies, they were extorion trannies.

(Excuse me, Mr. Ronaldo, but I can maybe understand picking up one pre-op tranny. But two pre-op trannies? A plethora of pre-op trannies? That reeks of experimentation.)

So Ronaldo's Lolas turned out to be Lous and it got so intense in the hotel room when the AC Milan striker wouldn't fork over the payola that one of the trannies ripped out the phone line to prevent him calling the Brazilian police. His car was also broken into in the pursuit of financial gains.

The soccer star is now in hiding, most likely regretting that what happens in Sau Paulo doesn't stay in Sao Paulo.

Tom Brady still wins the smile competition. On to the best blogs ... around!  

It's a fresh look at an old debate courtesy of The Bong Zone. Tom Brady vs. Peyton Manning? The blog comes to this conclusion (using some impressive statistical analysis): Brady can't hold Manning's jock.

The View From Above is still grading NFL Drafts and the AFC South has a theme: the rich got richer.

Are the defending NL champs cooked come May? WTF is going on out there ? says the Rockies just need to get back to basics to right this ship.

The Sports Comedian - SportsComedian.com, is giving out letter grades for all the NFL Draft teams, which means the Ravens get a Y, for Year of Delawarean Domination.

Klick of the Day  

How to properly pimp your foosball table. Paste this: http://gizmodo.com/385406/the-hi
+fi-foosball-table-is-fully-loaded (Gizmodo)

Posted on: April 24, 2008 12:25 pm
Edited on: April 24, 2008 12:34 pm

Alpha Blog: How soccer fans get so good

There's not much debating that when it comes to prolonged fan intensity, soccer fans tend to whoop up on Americans.

Case in point: Ever see this sort of level of excitement at a college football game? These people are singing, jumping, whistling, hooliganing -- just about everything you can possibly think about doing in or around a soccer stadium with your closest 80,000 drunken friends.

But for the first time we may have some insight as to how they got this way. When taking a voice break, remember to hold up a sign.

Ingrid Amon, an Austrian-based voice coach, is giving out pointers on how to cheer for the Euro Championship in June.

From the AP story:

"Amon's advice includes taking 'quiet' breaks so fans aren't continually shouting through all 90 minutes of regular time, and deliberately varying the pitch and intensity of their screams."

She also advises fans to avoid alcohol and caffeine.

So to be a good, boisterous, vocal fan you must:

A. vary your pitch and intensity
B. Avoid booze
C. Avoid coffee

Whoa, whoa, Miss Amon. I'm just trying to get into heaven, I'm not running for Jesus!

On to the best blogs ... around!   

Aubrey Huff just has to go"Aubrey Huff must go! Aubrey Huff must go! Aubrey Huff must go! We're not gonna protest!" I mean, "Aubrey Huff must go!" says Barffly's Bin of Pretzels and Beer after last night's base-running faux pas.

You don't think Tom Brady is the norm, right? A Hall of Fame selection in the 6th round IS NOT the norm, stastically speaking, The Bong Zone reports.

What do Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan and Joe Montana have in common? They all make Scotttalkssports's list of the 10 greatest athletes since the 1980s. Remember: This is just an opinion...that of Scott Cacciatore.

We're one month deep into the baseball season, and that means awards time. Don Juan's Sports Thoughts is dishing out the hardware and ranking teams based on things like how good they are. Diggity.

Klick of the Day    

Tonight, 10 ET. You know what show I'm talking. Get to re-know the new characters through the guru, Doc Jensen.

Posted on: April 21, 2008 11:54 am
Edited on: April 21, 2008 4:22 pm

Alpha Blog: The year of the sports woman

It's shaping up to be quite a year for women in sports.

Danica Patrick became the first female winner in Indycar history Sunday, winning the Indy Japan 300.

(Actually this is a landmark victory because she and I are both 26 and up until late Saturday night I could always say something like "well, what's she ever done? We're the same age and neither of us have won an Indy race. I don't see the big deal in her." So I'm kinda upset I've lost that chauvenistic ammunition.)

Danica Patrick is no longer just that type of trophy wife. Lorena Ochoa became the first LPGA Tour player in 45 years to win four tournaments in consecutive weeks. It's also her fifth victory in six starts this year.

(Actually, this is a landmark victory because she and I are both 26 and up until Sunday morning I could always say something like, "well, what's Lorena Ochoa ever done? we're both the same age and neither of us have ever won four straight LPGA tournaments.")

Ana Ivanovic

Just a few weeks back (Not on April 1 mind you) our very own Mike Freeman penned a landmark column about how the women's college Hugs for Pat Summitt,basketball game is better than the men's.

Pat Summitt won her eighth national title, is approaching 1K wins and is featured in her own ESPN commercial with Kenny Mayne.

Speaking of ESPN, Dana Jacobson is probably a better drinker than Chris Berman.

Hillary Clinton is probably a better bowler than Barack Obama.

Let's ask now touring Chris Rock what he thinks of Hillary as president:

"I think America's ready for a woman president . . . just not that woman. Being married to somebody doesn't make you good at their job. I've been with my wife 10 years now. If she got up here right now, y'all wouldn't laugh. At all. You get on a plane tomorrow, you want the pilot's wife flying you?"

Thanks, Chris.

Reading the Washington Post on the plane this morning, I noticed a section devoted to the NBA. I looked closer and found a W in front of the word, "NBA." Yep, women have their own league.

And co-ed sports are all the rage.

How about 'dem cranberries?

On to the best four blogs ... around!  Dave Krieg    

I didn't the read the whole thing (it's really, really long), but The Bong Zone begins a tremendous read/debate on the idea of quarterbacks. I'll be printing it out and taking it to my, uh, office later. Speaking of Dave Krieg, here's a Facebook group devoted to him.

The Blog to End All Blogs watched some basketball this past weekend and came to this conclusion: The Lakers are the only team that plays "team ball."

It may sound weird, but the Cubs are getting some good starting pitching this season. It's Gonna Happen in 2008 breaks down week 3 in Cubs Nation.

If you really like Week 3 analysis, don't stop reading with the Cubs. Check in on the Yankees after three weeks courtesy of It's up to you....

Klick of the Day         

Found this great clip of karate expert Bob Jackson (In Living Color) while surfing on YouTube. Jim Carrey used to be real, real funny.

Posted on: April 13, 2008 12:32 pm
Edited on: April 13, 2008 3:45 pm

Alpha Blog: Enough Mohawks, it's neck beard time

If one video of a guy getting his head styled in Mohawk fashion is indicative of who that person is, and one video always is, Mike Green needs to work on his Hollywood.

The MohawkHe also needs to tell his stylist that his Mohawk isn't that intimidating.

As someone more prone to wild sways in facial hair than head hair, I'm no expert, but I'd imagine the trick to a good Mohawk is shaving the sides down with more than a No. 2. They must be bic'd.

Nonetheless, Capitals defenseman Mike Green is sporting the Mohawk for what he calls the "tradition" factor (he did it in the AHL playoffs a few years back).

But hockey players wear a helmet. Just like football players. And baseball players. So what the heck is up with the Mohawk nobody ever sees? The Flames are all sporting them this playoffs. Chad Johnson had one. David Beckham. Mr. T had one 30 Photo by: www.shelbynelson.netyears ago. Magua. The list goes on and on.

Which leads us to say, enough Mohawk. We need something new for our athletes. And as an authority on facial hair, I think I have the answer -- despite pleas after last week's South Park for the Mr. Escalante comb over.

It's the neck beard. Clean face, normal hair, [sunglasses], full-fledged beard on the neck. This website explains it nicely.

After all, in all sports you always see the neck. Well, except fencing. And if I'm an opposing player and all I see is scruffy darkness protruding from underneath a helmet, I'm thinking the guy is a little off kilter.

In reality though, it's a matter of facial safety. The neck is the most sensitive part of the shaving experience. So why not keep it protected with follicle fluffiness?

I say good day to the Mohawk and hello, neck beard. And if you're a real man, you let the neck beard grow all the way around your head. Let those back of the neck hairs flourish and get total neck coverage. Sure, you may look like you're always wearing a turtleneck, or a dog with one of those lampshades on its head, but you'll be the biggest freak on the ice/field. And isn't that what this is about?

On to the best four blogs ... around      

They're sort of smiling around Camden these days. What do Danny Granger, Michael Finley, LaMarcus Aldridge, Rajon Rando and Beno Udrih have in common? EY's blog has the answer.

Bob Dylan wrote a song about a Hurricane. The Scorpions wrote a song about Hurricanes. And now the Bong Zone writes a blog about the best-ever college football team and guess which one it is. It rhymes with Murricanes

The Angels aren't hitting in a timely manner, which leaves Halo Heaven feeling a little Angel angst. But the blog reminds us pitching wins, and California Angels should have that when it's all said and done.

On the other Coast, and other side of the standings are the Orioles. And that makes dook's buzz! really, really, really happy.

Klick of the Day      

What's in an athlete's entourage (Team Dime. Team Melo. Team America [Bode Miller])? The Wall Street Journal's Hannah Karp explains. And did you know Ron Artest knows how to use Quicken? Great, one more thing -- playing basketball, producing records, starting brawls, and now doing his taxes -- that he's better than me at.

My porn 'stacheEric Kay in ... 'The Longest Kay.'


I'm the George Washington of facial hair, I can not tell a lie. So while you may remember Buzz Fagan's legendary 'stache for losing the March Mustachness wager, here is the sympathy 'stache I carved out to console him last Friday.

Yes, that is a Schlitz trucker cap I'm wearing and yes, there is some 'stache run-off on the right side there (if you're looking at me). But shaving a beard that was six weeks deep isn't an easy task, nor is carving out the 'stache. So I plead with you, have sympathy for those with great mustaches, because with great 'stache comes great responsibility -- and a steady razor hand.

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com